Crying

Gallery of Masterpieces #1 Caravaggio's The Taking of Christ

An entirely pointless comic

Don't Betray the Devil

I made a short on xtranormal. This is it here.

A talk

The Taste of Berlin

This ad appears on Beer mats in the pub near to where I live:

At first glance it seems fairly innocuous I know, but glance at it again - it's stupid.

Now, I don't expect anyone to realise just how stupid this is if they don't know the area, so allow me to explain.

First of all, and this is the least of my problems with it, there's no bench where this guy is depicted sitting on a bench. But that particular beef is a small one. If there was a bench in this location however it would be right where the traffic lights are for pedestrians to cross. So basically this man with his big dog would had to have brought his own bench and place it right where it would be blocking a load of people, and maybe the odd chicken, from crossing the road.

There's also the fact that there's no pub near to here. The nearest one is about ten minutes away and they don't allow dogs in. So he would have had to go to the pub, tie up his dog outside, order the pint, rob the glass, untie his dog while the bar staff give out to him for being a thief, walk for ten minutes with the pint, and his dog, and then sit on the bench that he brought earlier to do all this - whilst blocking a load of pedestrian traffic with a big smug smile on his face.

 
                                    

Further, to get to the nearest pub to here he would have had to walk through the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe:

So this casually dressed Aryan man would just walk through the Memorial to one of the saddest events in history, where an invariably melancholy mood prevails and silence is advised, taking his dog for a walk and inexplicably carrying a pint in a glass he's just stolen. All presumably with the same pleased expression on his face.

It's safe to assume that anyone who would do this obviously doesn't pay much respect to the memory of the victims commemorated there, and since we've already established that he is a mad arsehole who would block a load of people from crossing the road with his bench, it's easy to imagine that he's racist, even if only unconsciously

                              .

This ad has proved so offensive that someone seems to have kicked their foot right through it on a billboard:

So he doesn't let consideration for pedestrians or respect for the dead get in the way of his enjoyment. But what does he do when it's raining? It's unlikely that he wants to get wet. Does he still persue his anti-social hobby then?  Not long after seeing the offending beer mat I came across another ad on a billboard which answers these questions.

From what I've gathered from this other ad, when it's raining, he just relaxes on his bench as his (notably non-Aryan) servant carries the beer to him in the lashings of rain whilst making sure that the beer doesn't get wet. Adding even more humiliation to this degrading task the servant gets pointed and laughed at by people taking shelter under the Brandenburg Gate:

Meanwhile the smug overlord is having a grand old time looking forward to his three pints without a care in the world, probably now sitting inside the Gate because it's raining, blocking other people from getting in with his bench.

What a bastard.

The Religion That No One Joined

A few years ago I decided to really give starting my own religion a go. I invented the beliefs, made flyers and handed them around town and posted info sheets up on public walls. They had contact details on them but, sadly, nobody ever got back to me. I changed the bit where I spelt 'heart' as 'hart', but other than that the following were the contents of the flyers - which outlined, in the form of a Q&A the theology of my new religion in a leaflet called:

G'Nondray! - A NEW BEGINING

G'nondrism, what is it?

G'nondrism is a religion based around the God G'nondray. Although it is possible that some G'nondrists do not consider G'nondray to be a God but instead they may insist that he is a G'nondray.

G'nondray: Who is he?

G'nondray is a God who unlike traditional Gods does not reward belief and faith but on the contrary he severely punishes believers and does not want anyone to believe that he exists.

G'nondrists: Do they believe that he exists?

Gonondré explicitly wants us not to believe that he exists and it is to this glorious end that he offers us no evidence of his existence nor does he give any reason or motive for believing in him.

G'nondrists and life: How do they explain it?

With regards to explaining the immense complexity and diversity of life G'nondrists usually don't believe in an explanation as simple as G'nondray created the universe nor do they believe that life is the result of millions of years of evolution through natural selection. Rather they normally believe that the universe and everything in it, the world and all species included occurred completely by chance, as unexpectedly as a bolt of lightning from a clear blue sky and G'nondray was just as surprised about it as anyone.

Does Gononndray exist?

No.

G'nondray: How is it spelt?

There is more than one way to spell Gonondré and below listed are just a few of them.

Gonandré

Gonondré

Gonandreay

Gonondrey

Gonandreay

Gonondreay

Gonandray

Gonondray

Gonnandré

Gonnondré

Gonnondrey

Gonnandrey

Gonnandreay

Gonnondreay

Gonnandray

Gonnondray

Gonanndré

Gononndré

Gonanndrey

Gononndrey

Gonanndreay

Gonanndreay

Gononndreay

Gonanndray

Gononndray

Gonnanndré

Gonnonndré

Gonnanndrey

Gonnonndrey

Gonnanndreay

Gonnonndreay

Gonnanndray

Gonnonndray

G'nondray

G'nandré

Mask

Because of the mystical magicalness of Gonanndreay his name can be spelt in ways that are so different from each other that they scarcely resemble one another or even only have just one letter in common, hence Mask. Although all the ways look quite different, they are all pronounced exactly the same. So we pronounce Mask the same way that we would pronounce Gonandray. This is not to be confused with the word mask, which means a covering for all or part of the face.

Having said that,it is possible that some may refute the mystical magicalness of Gonnonndreay, particularly since it is generally accepted that he doesn't exist. It is therefore possible to hypostasise that these people probably think that there is only one way to spell G'nondray and that it probably isn't Mask. It is currently unknown whether or not there are any of these people or how many of them there are but they are probably very dangerous.

Do Gonondrists really not believe in the existence of Gonnanndreay?

Some people may lob the accusation that G'Nondrists such as myself actually do believe that G'nondray exists but they are just acting as if he doesn't to avoid being punished. This is ridiculous. The simple fact is that even if there ever where to be found some evidence to prove his existence I would simply not believe it because I know in my heart that he just does not exist and nothing will change my mind about that.

Is G'Nondray a God of Contradiction?

Yes.

What else are you going to tell me about Gonandray?
 
It is not known whether or not G'Nonnonndréay believes in himself.

 
If anyone has a question about the theology of G'Nondrism not metioned here, please leave a comment below - you son of a motherless goat.